Breaktown
by jessa1326
Summary: Nessie Cullen is a broken 26 year old with an awful past. When up and coming rockstar, Jacob Black comes back into her life after 14 years, can he fix her even though he has a troubled past of his own?
1. Chapter 1 Welcome to Breaktown

**AUTHOR'S NOTE - This is my first story that I have ever published anywhere for anyone to read. Just bear with me...I hope my writing skills will blossom as I go along!  
I have a Facebook page for the story http:/www. facebook. com/breaktown. fanfiction (just delete the spaces).  
****A HUGE thank you to Nicole (VanessaWolfe 724) for all her help and advice. I love ya' girl! Check out her amazing fanfic All Grown Up: The Story of Jacob and Nessie**

**DISCLAIMER - I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters or any of the song lyrics in my story. All I own is the plotline in my head that I need to get out.**

**CHAPTER 1  
Welcome to Breaktown  
**

Been running through my mind today  
Scenarios to add to your hypocrisy  
No one ever takes the blame  
But everyone is searching for a cure to the pain  
Nothing ever seems to change  
We just play like broken records in a deaf man's charade

Things keep coming and I keep wondering  
I start feeling the walls close in  
Things keep coming and I keep stumbling  
I start feeling I'm strong enough to break

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed as I jumped up from the black leather computer chair that I was sitting in, making it crash back into the wall of the salon that I worked at. I looked away from the computer screen to the girl I've known since I was fourteen. "Ingram Hill released their tour dates and they are coming here again!"

Lorelei, my best friend and co-worker, dropped her scissors and comb in the jar of cleaning solution. She looked up at me with her face full of excitement. "No way! They've skipped over here for the past three tours! It's been about two years since they've played here."

Ingram Hill was one of our all time favorite bands. We had seen them perform more times then we could count, and had hung out and partied with them numerous times. We flew down south a few times to catch some of their shows since they rarely came to our home state of Connecticut. Luckily, they were touring on the East Coast again.

I sat back down and looked at the computer screen. "They are playing at the Webster Theater on March 26th. It's a Friday."

The Webster Theater was practically my second home. It was a run down venue, on the smaller side, but it made the concerts more intimate, which I loved. The only downfall was the location of the venue. It was located in a dangerous and shady area of Hartford. There were gunshot holes in the windows above the venue, and there were strange people around the area that always made me uncomfortable. I got used to it, though. I just always made sure to bring my pepper spray.

I silently thanked God the concert was on a Friday. I made a mental note to ask Nikki, our boss and owner of In Style, if we could get out early that day. "Tickets go on sale next Saturday. I'm surprised my Dad didn't tell me."

My father, Edward Cullen, was the founder and owner of Night Sky Records. He was usually informed on all bands and artists tours, even if they weren't on his label.

I logged out of my e-mail and walked to the back room to mix the hair dye for my next appointment, which happened to be my older sister, Aubrey.

My parents had three children. Aubrey was the oldest; she was six years older than me. Zoe was born three years after Aubrey, and I came along three years later. We were always close growing up, especially after our mother passed away fourteen years ago of an awful battle of cervical cancer. Zoe began experimenting with drugs when my mother got sick, and she became dependent on heroin rather quickly. My mother's death pushed Zoe over the edge, and she didn't want to help herself. She was in and out of prison and rehab centers until she went too far and overdosed one night and died ten years ago. Through all the years, deep down, we all knew it was bound to happen. My father was a complete mess for years. He lost his wife and nineteen year old daughter in the matter of two and a half years. I was a wreck, but I knew I had to stay strong for my father and older sister. Eventually, we all managed to go on with our lives and lived them the best we could, or tried to anyways.

I heard the beep as the front door of the salon opened and I looked up to see my sister walk in. Aubrey and I couldn't look any different. She was much taller than me, she probably had a good six inches on me. I guess she got her height from our father, and I got mine from our mother. Her hair was dirty blonde, while mine was auburn. The only similarity between us was our brown eyes.

"Hi, Nessie" my sister said cheerfully as she walked up to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Where are the girls?" I asked. "I haven't seen my nieces in a few weeks."

"Hailey is at dance class and Hannah is at a play date."

I loved how my oldest niece was following in my footsteps. Hailey loved to dance, just like her Aunt. She was a twelve year old determined to be on Broadway. I danced for nine years. At one time in my life, I had dreams of being on Broadway, but I just wasn't made for it. I stopped dancing in my junior year of high school so I could focus on my grades and hairdressing.

My sister sat down in the hair washing station and I pumped the chair down with my food to align her up with the headrest. "So how is everything? How are you and Logan?" My sister loved to pry.

"Everything is good, I've just been working a lot." I replied as I lathered her hair with my favorite coconut shampoo. "Logan has been working long hours, so I figured I should work more to give me something to do."

Logan was my fiancée. We'd been together for almost five years. We met at Lorelei's 21st birthday party through a mutual friend. We clicked instantly and shortly after we were an item. Everything happened so fast and I moved in with him after a short eight months. After two years he asked me to marry him.

"Any wedding plans yet?"

"No," I answered with a hint of sadness in my voice. I tried to cover it up. "we have both been busy with work."

"A late summer or early fall wedding would be nice." My sister was dying to see me in a wedding dress.

"Maybe. We'll see." I said, trying as hard as I could to keep the hurt out of my voice as I rinsed the conditioner out of her hair.

I finished washing my sister's hair and sat her down in the swivel chair in front of my station.

"I already mixed your dye." I said as I sectioned her hair with my comb and secured each of them with a clip.

"How do you know what color…" I interrupted her

"Come on! I am your sister! I know what will look the best on you. I'm going to give you some highlights too"

"Don't make me look like some teenager!"

"Bree," I used her nickname as I gave her a confident look, "I know what I'm doing. Have I ever fucked up your hair?"

"I know, I know!" Aubrey agreed, "My hair always looks great."

Forty five minutes later, my sister left the salon loving her newly colored and cut hair. I helped Lorelei get curling rods and papers for her next appointment and checked my phone for messages. I had one from Logan.  
"_I'll be home a little after 7. What is for dinner?"_

I wondered when he'd make me dinner again. It had been few weeks since he made me a nice dinner. I sighed, knowing that he was always tired from work when he got home. I tried to picture in my head what we had in our freezer. I sent him a message back.  
"_lemon chicken and baked potatoes with rolls"_

The front door to the salon beeped as it opened and my last appointment of the day walked in. After a quick hair wash and a buzz cut, I cleaned up my station and helped Lorelei wash the curling rods from her perm appointment. Fifteen minutes later we locked up the doors and walked out into the crisp, cold February night. I waved goodbye to Lorelei and told her that I'd call her over the weekend. As I climbed into my midnight blue 2009 Eclipse, my phone beeped.  
"_Sounds good. What about you for dessert? ;)"_

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. Typical male.

I heard the door unlock as I pulled the potatoes out of the oven with a checkered green oven mitt. I closed the oven door with my knee and placed the hot tray on top of the stove. Logan walked in, wearing his light blue button up shirt and khaki pants. His light brown hair was slightly greasy. I smiled as I looked up at him.

"Hey, sexy" he said as he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"How was your day?" I asked him as he kissed my cheek

He turned around to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Corona. "Busy. Mark has less than two months left. I need to get that manager's position."

"I know you will get it." I said, trying to sound positive, as I reached up, standing on my toes, in the cabinet and grabbed two white plates.

He turned to walk in the bedroom and said quietly, "Yeah, I hope so."

A few minutes later Logan walked back into the kitchen in black basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. He always looked pretty damn sexy in athletic clothes. He wasn't massively built or anything, but he did have some good abs and nice arms. I placed a piece of lemon chicken, a baked potato, and a biscuit on both of our plates and placed them down on the light oak table. I reached up on my tip toes again to grab a glass from the cabinet to the left of the sink and walked to the fridge and poured myself a glass of Diet Coke. Finally, I sat down for the first time in hours.

"Pretty good, babe." Logan finished half his chicken already.

"Thanks." I murmured as I took my first bite. I was a damn good cook! My Grandma Esme, my father's mother who I was partially named after, taught me everything that I knew about cooking and baking.

I looked at the clock above the table. 7:45. I had accomplished nothing that I planned to get done. I wanted to mop the floors and do a load of laundry. It would have to wait until the next morning. "I have absolutely no motivation to do anything tonight." I said quietly, thinking out loud.

"Let's just get in bed after we eat. We'll watch a movie." I couldn't think of anything else that I would have rather wanted to do than lay down, except for maybe a shower.

We finished eating dinner and I rinsed off the plates and utensils and piled them into the almost full dishwasher. I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed the detergent from under the sink, filled the dishwasher with soap and turned the cycle on.

As I took a navy blue towel out of the linen closet next to the bathroom I yelled to Logan that I was about to get in the shower. I walked in the bathroom, turned on the hot water and took my black and white work clothes off. In the mirror, I caught my reflection and turned to look at my appearance. My naturally wavy auburn hair was getting longer than I liked it. It was almost to my elbows. My eyes were a light brown, like milk chocolate with streaks of honey mixed in. I looked down to my chest and chuckled. I was definitely blessed with the chest! I scanned my eyes to my stomach and shrugged. I was not a twig, I had some meat on my bones. Some guys liked it, I guessed. Logan had never complained, that I knew of anyways. I started to turn around and noticed the tattoo on the back of my right shoulder. A half sun, half moon and stars surrounding it. Sometimes I forgot that it was even there because I could only see it if I was near a mirror.

After a nice hot shower, I climbed in bed next to my gorgeous fiancée who was wearing nothing but a pair of blue and white plaid boxers. Just as I slipped under the cool sheets, Logan's hands found my body and my lips found his and we started a night of wonderful lovemaking. We both got our dessert.

I turned on the coffee pot and reached up into the cabinet for my favorite green butterfly mug. I smiled as I thought about when I got it. It was a birthday gift from the children I used to nanny for. I took care of Sophia and Liam for four years, but had to leave them the year before, when I got more hours at the salon. I wondered how they were doing as I put my cinnamon raisin bagel in the toaster. Just as I pushed the button down, my cell phone rang. I picked up my phone from the table and looked at the ID.  
"Hey, Dad!"

"Good morning, Sweetheart. What are your plans for today?" My father asked with enthusiasm. I knew that tone.

"I have some laundry to do and some light cleaning. I might hang out with Lorelei later, but I haven't talked to her yet."

"Well, I'd like to talk to you both. How about a late lunch at Olive Garden?"

_Oh boy_, I thought, _this could be interesting_. "Sure, I'd love to. I'll try to get a hold of Lorelei."

"I will see you around two o'clock then. I love you, Renesme."

"Love you too, Dad."

I ended the call and immediately texted Lorelei. It wasn't uncommon for the three of us to eat out, but my Dad seemed like he had something important to tell us.

"_My Dad wants us to meet him at Olive Garden at 2:00. He said he wants to talk to the both of us."_

BEEP  
"_Okay…should I be worried?"_

"_I don't think so. He was in an extremely good mood."_

BEEP  
"_I wonder what Dad has in store for us. I'll meet you there at 2"_

For as long as I could remember, Lorelei had called my father, Dad. I think he actually told her to at one point. We met at the age of fourteen, in the summer of ninth grade, when she and her family moved in a few houses down from mine. Ever since then she had been part of my family. She was like a sister to me.  
I replied to her, saying that I would see her later and began to throw the laundry into the washing machine.

I walked into the Olive Garden and searched for my father. I smiled as I thought about how well he knew me. Olive Garden had been one of my favorite restaurants since I was a little girl. I just loved how it was so low key….so simple. And, of course, because pasta was my favorite food. Years ago we would come once a week with Aubrey and Lorelei, but after awhile my father's schedule became busier so we couldn't come as often.

After a few moments I spotted him on the left side of the restaurant, a few tables from the back wall. As I walked toward the table he saw me and stood up from his chair.

My father's appearance hadn't changed much in my 26 years of life. He had always been a handsome man. At the age of 48, he didn't look a day over 35. He was a about six feet tall, his copper hair was a few shades darker than mine, and his eyes were a bright green.

My father was smiling as I made my way to the table. I gave him a tight hug and he kissed me on the cheek. "Hello, my lovely Renesme."

"Hi, Daddy" I was such a Daddy's girl!

My father pulled the chair out that was to his right and I sat down in it. He pushed it to the table and sat down in his own chair. He asked me about work and I told him that I was putting in longer hours because Logan was working more.

"I don't like you working that much, Nessie. You need time to be young and have fun."

"Dad, I do have fun. I go out with my friends."

"I just think you work too much, Sweet pea." I loved the nickname that my mother gave me as an infant.

My father was right, I did work a lot. It took my mind off the things that I didn't want to think about. It kept me busy so that I didn't drive myself crazy thinking about my empty life. Don't get me wrong, I loved my family and friends and Logan, but I just didn't feel whole. I felt like my life was going nowhere. But of course, I couldn't tell my father that.

At that moment, I looked up and spotted Lorelei walking toward us. I waved to her and my father stood up and pulled out the chair across from me.

"Hey, Rory" I said as she reached our table.

My father gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek. She sat down in the chair that my father pulled out and as he did for me, he pushed her into the table.

We ordered our drinks and lunches. I ordered my favorite, Penne a La Vodka, Lorelei ordered Chicken Parmesan, and my father ordered Chicken Marsala. We began to munch on the warm Italian bread that the waitress placed on our table when my father cleared his throat.

"So I hear that Ingram Hill is coming back to Connecticut." He stated.

"Yeah, we found out yesterday." I replied. "I thought you would have told us before."

"I'm sorry Nessie," my father said apologetically, "I've been pretty busy dealing with a new band that I want on my label. That's why I wanted to talk to you both."

Lorelei and I both looked at each other and then to my father. "What do you mean, Dad?"

"This band that I want to get on my label is opening for Ingram Hill on their East Coast tour dates. I need you girls to help me out…if you are willing to…"

Lorelei and I were both confused as hell.

"What do you need us to do?" Lorelei asked my father.

My father smiled. "I need you to check out this band and tell me how they are live. I can't make it to the concert, I will be in Los Angeles that weekend. I've heard their demos and they are pretty damn good in the studio, but performing live, as you both already know, is a totally different thing."

I looked at my father with a questioning look. "Are you sure you trust our judgment? We aren't exactly music professionals."

My father looked at my best friend and me with love all over his face. "I trust you girls more than I trust anyone. Both of your love and passion for music shows me that I can trust your judgment."

Of course, Lorelei and I agreed to scope out the band to see if they are "label worthy" as we called it. My father told us that he would get our tickets, as well as backstage passes so we could talk to the band and see how they interacted with fans and dealt with being on tour.

Our meals were placed in front of us which ended the conversation. I took one whiff of my pasta and my mouth watered. We dug in and began to devour our lunches. We made small talk while we enjoyed our meals. My father asked us how work had been, and he told us that work at the label was busy because he was trying to promote a new album for one of his bands. It was then that I realized that I forgot to ask my father about the details of the band that he wanted us to see. We didn't know anything about the band. I was too distracted earlier by my delicious food.

"Dad, what is the name of the band that you want us to check out?"

My father's face went from smiling to slightly worried. "Um…well…" My father hardy ever had a loss of words and I was starting to become a little worried. "…the name of the band is Dark Moon"

"Okay, and how many members in the band? We want to know the basics about this band so we don't seem like complete asses."

My father swallowed hard. "Well, Nessie….um, do you remember Jacob Black?"

"Yes." I replied quickly. I could never forget Jacob Black.

I knew Jacob Black since I was nine years old. His parents and my parents became good friends when they moved here from Washington when I was in the third grade. Jacob was a year older than me, which made him a grade ahead of me. Since our parents went out often and spent a lot of time together, Jacob and I became quite close. We actually became inseparable. Even though we were young, Jacob was my first love, and he told me I was his. We were each other's first love, first kiss….and were supposed to lose our virginity to each other, we talked about it on more than a few occasions. It never happened though, because Jacob moved in the beginning of eighth grade. We emailed and talked to the phone, but as the months passed the emails and calls became shorter and came less frequently. I sent Jacob and email two days after my mother died and he responded back in a brief email saying how sorry he was and that he wished he could be there for me. I replied back thanking him for his condolences. I never heard from him since.

I came back to reality and shook my head to clear my thoughts and realized that no one was speaking. "Why do you ask?"

"Jacob is the lead singer and guitarist of the band."

I instantly felt like all the food I had just consumed was going to come back up out of my stomach. I actually think I may have went pale.

"Ness, are you okay?" Lorelei asked me as she handed me a glass of ice water. She knew about Jacob. She knew everything.

I took a big gulp of water before I spoke. "I'm okay, thanks. I didn't expect that one." I looked at my father and saw the concern all over his face. He didn't expect me to react that way. My father knew that Jacob and I were once close, but he didn't know the extent of feelings that I had for Jacob and vice versa. He knew that we shared our first kiss together and just thought it was a case of puppy love.

"I don't think I can do it, Dad."

"Why not, Nessie? You and Jacob were good friends. I bet he'd love to see you again!"

I could see Lorelei shifting in her chair. I knew she would try to get us out of this. "There are probably better people for the job than us."

"I already told you girls that I trust you enough to do it. I want you to!" At least she tried, I thought to myself.

"It's been so long, I don't think it's a good idea."

"Renesme, I want you to do this for me. I can't be there for the concert and I know you will be there anyways. You can spend some extra time to talk to Ingram Hill, I know it's been awhile. And I think it will be great for you and Jacob to see each other again after all the years." My father could be quite convincing. Damnit.

I sighed in defeat. "Sure, Dad. We'll do it."

After my father told us a little bit more about Dark Moon, he received a phone call and had to go back to the office.

I pulled my keys out of my paisley navy blue and green Vera Bradley pocketbook and unlocked the door to mine and Logan's two bedroom apartment. I turned on the light as I stepped in and closed the door behind me. Logan wasn't home from work yet, it was only 4:45. He wouldn't be home for at least another hour. After I pulled off my light blue fleece lined winter coat I slid out of my very worn in black converses. I threw my pocketbook on the kitchen counter and sighed. What a fucking shocker. Jacob Black.

I wasn't sure that I even wanted to see him. Why would I? He apparently forgot about me. I waited forever for him to write to me again, but I got nothing. He probably wouldn't even remember me. Why would he? We were young teenagers. I didn't know why I was driving myself crazy thinking about it. It was the past. Over and done with.

The only reason I agreed to go is to help my father out. I didn't think I would be any help to him at all though, but he seemed to think Lorelei and I knew our shit and knew what music would sell. My father said that Jacob had no clue that he would see me at the concert. I thought that maybe I could go unnoticed. I could at least try.

My mind was going in a thousand directions at once. I needed music, so I walked into the living room and placed my iPod in the iHome stereo that was on our entertainment center. I put my all time favorite band, Hanson, on shuffle.

_Are you ready to lose?  
Are you ready to win?  
Well I've been losing for so long  
I can't begin_

I'm a man on the moon  
I'm a man on the edge  
Well I'm the words you never knew were in your head  
To be read

You can't help you're so insecure  
You're hurt right down to the core  
You're only stuck in your pain today  
Welcome to Breaktown

For the first time  
It's a great town  
For your worst time  
When you freak out  
There's a road sign  
Welcome to Breaktown

I turned around and made my way into the second bedroom. It was a spare room that we used to store some odds and ends that we couldn't fit anywhere else in the apartment. I'm glad that no one else saw what was in there, because it looked like a hurricane went through it. I walked to the light maple dresser on the right wall and opened the bottom drawer. I dug down to the bottom of the drawer and pulled out an old, worn out photo album. I felt the red fabric on the cover and opened it. The first page was two pictures of my thirteenth birthday. They were of me and Aubrey sitting on our front porch behind a huge "Happy Birthday" banner.

_Are you ready to quit?  
Are you ready to learn?  
Are you ready to find the spark inside and let it burn?_

I'm the walls that close in  
I'm the words you won't say  
I'm the voice you choose to keep inside  
And lock away  
Everyday

I turned the page and brushed my finger over the picture. It was of me and Jake with his arm around me in front of the same "Happy Birthday" banner. We were both laughing at something we thought was funny at the time. I looked to the picture on the opposite page and half-smiled. It was taken when Jacob was putting the bracelet he gave to me as a present on my wrist. It was a silver chain with three charms hanging off of it; a star, a music note and angel wings. He moved three weeks later, leaving me broken.

_You keep it all to yourself  
You're just like everyone else  
So take a good look around  
Now...  
__  
Welcome to Breaktown  
For the first time  
It's a great town  
For your worst time  
When you freak out  
There's a road sign  
Welcome to Breaktown_

I noticed a wet drop on the picture and wiped it away with my thumb, and that is when I realized there were streams of tears coming down my face.


	2. Chapter 2 Watch Me Bleed

**AUTHOR'S NOTE - I don't have a set schedule for updates, but I'm aiming for every three weeks or so. I have most of chapter 3 outlined, so I hope I get it finished soon. Don't forget to add my fanfiction on facebook!**

**DISCLAIMER - I am definately not Stephenie Meyer. I don't own anything but the plotline in my head that I need to get out.**

**

* * *

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**CHAPTER 2  
****Watch Me Bleed**

For some, music is not just a pastime,  
It's an undeniable fact of living.  
A blissful slavery of mind, body and soul.

To rise above the ashes of mediocrity is rare.  
Yet the gift of song is freely handed out to anyone who cares to receive it,  
Instantly shattering our daily drudgery.

The path to pursue more than the usual,  
More than what is safe and known,  
Is wrought with the time-sharpened, jagged blades that cut deep.  
Blocking many from the road to something greater,  
Beyond the stunted imagination of their peers.

Within the veins of the few,  
Passion fills every sinew with a sweet unquenchable purpose,  
Calming the fear of those treacherous paths.

Though each slice burns and bleeds,  
Still they take each cut and wear the scars with pride to signal their choice,  
That undying pursuit of greater joy within every chord.  
And so they say - Watch Me Bleed.

Poem by Hanson

3 Weeks Later…

All I could think about for the past three weeks was Jacob Black. Since my father had told me I would be checking out Jacob's band in five weeks, all my memories of him from the past kept coming back into my mind. Every recollection I had buried deep in the back of my mind repeated over and over. I'm fairly certain that Logan didn't notice that I was out of sorts and somewhat edgy, which was probably a good thing. All the guilt I felt for reminiscing old memories of Jacob was eating away at me. It felt wrong because I loved Logan and I shouldn't be thinking of anyone else.

I needed to get my mind off of things and fortunately, it just so happened that I had a concert to go to. Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers was an amazing band that I'd known for about six years. The guys in the band were extremely talented and they were such great guys to hang out with. I was looking forward to enjoying some good music and friends.

I was stepping out of the shower when I heard the front door of the apartment close. I grabbed my navy blue towel that was hung on the bathroom door and wrapped it around my body. I opened the bathroom door and called out to Logan. "Hey, Honey!"

"Hi, Ness." He called back.

I walked into the bedroom and wrapped my towel around my soaking wet hair and slipped into my red bikini cut panties and matching bra.

"Pretty hot there, Ness." a seductive voice said behind me. Smiling, I turned around. "You dressing sexy for me?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed as I took the towel off my head and threw it at him. "I am getting dressed for the concert tonight."

"Concert? What concert?" Logan asked with a slightly angry tone.

"I reminded you last night while we were eating dinner, one day last week before you left for work, and the day I bought my tickets." I hated when he didn't listen to me. I sighed as I pulled on my stonewashed flared jeans.

"Well, I don't remember you telling me. Didn't you just go to a concert a few weeks ago?" He asked with a defensive tone as his phone beeped.

"Yes." I stated, trying not to lose my temper. "You know that I go to lots of concerts."

Logan looked up at me and stopped typing on his phone. "I just don't get it." He said angrily. He looked back to his phone and stormed out of the room.

I stood there as I watched Logan exit the bedroom and sighed. That wasn't the first time he'd said he didn't understand my love for music. I told him time and time again why I need music and why I go to concerts so often, and he never understood.

My parents introduced me to music as soon as I was born. They played everything for me, from Mozart to Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young to Led Zeppelin and everything in between. I started voice lessons at a very young age and shortly after I began taking dance lessons.

Naturally, music became a huge part of my life. Especially after my mother and my sister passed away, it was the only thing that could numb me, even if it was for a little while. It took me to a place where nothing else existed; it put me into a trance and sucked me in. Just one song could completely change my mood. I needed it like I needed air. Music ran through my veins.

I wiped the tear from my cheek and pulled my teal low cut sweater over my head. I decided to finish getting ready at Lorelei's apartment, so I grabbed my makeup bag from the bathroom. I walked through the living room, where Logan was laying on the couch with his phone in his hand. As I walked behind the couch and into the kitchen, I shook my head. Five years we had been together and he didn't know me at all. I grabbed my pocketbook from the kitchen counter and heard footsteps coming towards me. When he was a foot behind me he spoke.

"You're leaving now?"

"Yes." I said sharply. "I am meeting Lorelei at her place." I needed to get away before I started to cry in front of him. He always made me feel like a complete idiot for crying.

"I guess I'm going out with the guys." His phone beeped in his hand.

I took that opportunity to make my way to the front hall and slipped on my black converses. "Have fun" I said as Logan came into view in the hall. He walked up to me as I was tying my shoe and bent down for a kiss. He went for my lips but I turned my head and his lips met my cheek instead.

"See you later" I spoke softly while opening the door. I walked out and shut the door before he could say anything else.

I heard the music before I even opened the door. I hoped the neighbors were Coldplay fans. I let myself in Lorelei's apartment, as always, and kicked off my converses. I loved her apartment. The walls were covered in band posters and all sorts of music and concert memorabilia. If I had lived by myself, my place would look something like Lorelei's.

"Hey, chica! I called out over the music that was blaring from the stereo.

"I'm in the bedroom!"

I made my way into her red and black bedroom and found her digging in the bottom of the closet.

"What the hell are you looking for?" I asked.

Lorelei stood up with a single purple converse in her hand. "This!" she said with a smile and then looked at my face. "You've been crying." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. She knew me too well.

I couldn't deny it. "Logan and I were fighting."

She came up to me and hugged me tight. "What happened, Ness?"

I told her the whole story, which she'd heard before. Lorelei was like a sister to me, and she knew everything about me. She knew my whole life story, and she knew of my deteriorating relationship with Logan.

Lorelei sighed when I finished telling her about the argument I had with Logan. "Ness, I don't like the way he treats you. I've told you this before."

"He just doesn't _get_ me." I said quietly. "I wish he would understand."

"I don't think he wants to understand." I knew she was right.

"He still won't set a date for the wedding." My eyes filled with tears. "I don't know why. He keeps giving me excuses. Money, work, time…everything in the book."

Lorelei pulled me into a hug. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I need to say it because you are my best friend. Maybe you should take a break….you know, live your life the way you want to."

I froze. "Break up?" I squeaked. I was never good at dealing with change. Logan had been my life for almost five years, I couldn't even think about what it would be like. He was all I knew, he was comfortable.

"Just think about it, okay?" Lorelei gave me a slight squeeze before pulling a jacket from her closet.

We were at the bar in the back of the small, crowded venue when Lorelei and I got hit on for the first time of the night. The tall and extremely muscular bartender complimented us both up and down and then gave us each a free Malibu Baybreeze. Score!

The band was on their third song of the set, and my mind was on the music, atmosphere and the comfort of the adrenaline that was running through my body. As crazy or weird as it sounds, the adrenaline rushes that I got from concerts were extremely comforting to me. It felt like home, like it was where I was supposed to belong in the world. The electric currents that ran through my body from the adrenaline soothed me from all the pain and the fears in my life. I took a long sip of my drink from the clear plastic cup and started to dance to the beat as the band began playing the chords of _my_ song. I always claimed one song from each band or musician as my own, kind of like a theme song.

Lorelei and I screamed together over the crowd and hip checked each other, something we did quite often at concerts. I waved my free hand back and forth up in the air as I belted out the first words of the song.

_I'm gonna start the day early _  
_Maybe like a rocket on fire _  
_Then I'm gonna write me a thousand songs _  
_And I am never, ever, ever gonna tire _

_You bring the cup and I'll bring the moonshine _  
_I wanna fill you up, babe won't you be mine? _

_I'm gonna start the day early _  
_Maybe like a baby at birth _  
_I'm gonna give you a present _  
_With brown eyes and beautiful words_

_You bring the cup and I'll bring the moonshine _  
_I wanna fill you up, babe won't you be mine?_

After the last song of the concert, Lorelei and I went to the ladies room to relieve our overly full bladders and to quickly check ourselves in the mirror. We waited in the cramped lobby overfilled with mostly girls with miniskirts and low cut shirts, only able to take a few steps at a time. Kit, the bassist had just finished taking a picture with a group of fans when he noticed us in the tight lobby. He brushed his messy dirty blond hair out of his face and walked toward us through the mob of gawking girls. He grabbed my right hand and Lorelei's left hand and began to lead us to the merchandise table, where the other guys of the band were signing autographs and taking pictures. The invidious looks that we got from the scantly dressed girls made me smirk as we made our way through the crowd. When we finally made it to the meet and greet area, Kit let go of our hands and picked me up off the ground and pulled me into a tight hug before placing me down on my feet.

"It's been too long! How are you? What's new?"

I laughed. "I'm okay, and nothing is new, same shit. And it's been three months."

"It's still too long" Kit said into my ear. Since the first time we met, about five years ago when they opened for Hanson in Boston, we had always had an attraction toward each other. It was purely physical, partially because there is an eight year age difference between us, but it never kept us from innocently flirting with each other. There was a time when I thought that something more could possibly develop between us, but then I met Logan and fell in love. The flirting was nothing but innocent.

At that moment, Boots, the drummer of the band, came up behind me and tickled my sides. I squeaked loudly and jumped a mile up in the air. I should have expected it, since he did it every time I saw him. He gave me a hug and told me it that it was good to see me before turning to Lorelei. Those two had a little history. They had a short fling a few years back, but since the band toured half the year, it was difficult to pursue any type of relationship. They both accepted it for what it was, but you could still see the way they looked at each other. Stephen was surrounded by fans, but quickly hugged me and gave me an apologetic look between signing autographs.

Kit found me again and asked us to go to the bar with the band after they finished up taking pictures and signing autographs. Lorelei drove her black Ford Explorer behind the band's bulky burgundy GMC Savanna that everyone made fun of. Even the guys made fun of their own transportation. They were indie, and didn't perform at well-known venues, so they decided to keep the hideous van and save money by not using a tour bus.

We didn't plan on staying at the bar for long, but the guys weren't going to be back on the East Coast for awhile, so we had a few extra drinks. We played a few games of pool, which I was exceptionally awful at, and shot some darts. At two in the morning we said our goodbyes to the guys and we headed home.

I decided to sleep at Lorelei's apartment. After the fight that I had with Logan earlier, I didn't want the possibility of going home and starting the fight again at two o'clock. I was dreading seeing him in the morning, but there were things that had to be discussed.

Logan was sitting on the couch watching some ridiculous Cop show when I walked into the apartment. He turned away from the television and looked at me when he heard the door close behind me.

"Hi." I said flatly, showing no emotion.

"Hey, hun!" He beamed with a smile.

If my jaw could have dropped to the cream colored carpet, it would have. How could he have forgotten the argument we had not even eighteen hours earlier? Was he insane, or just completely oblivious? I had to know.

"Are you insane, or just completely oblivious to the fact that I didn't leave on great terms last night?" I asked with confusion and then my anger came out. "Actually, I left on pretty shitty terms, if I remember correctly."

Logan apparently thought I was comical and laughed, which pissed me off even more. "Do you really think a stupid argument could come between us? It never has before." He put his arm around my waist.

He was right, but I couldn't let him know that. I slipped away from his arm and started to head towards the kitchen. "It is the same fight every time, Logan. You just don't understand why I need music. I've explained it to you over and over again, you don't even want to understand."

"I do understand, Ness." Logan followed me into the kitchen.

"Logan, we fight all the time." I sighed. "We both work long hours and we rarely go out by ourselves. We live under the same roof, but half the time it feels like we are in two different places."

This time he grabbed my waist with both hands, pulled me in front of him and looked into my eyes. "It will get better." He stated sincerely, but with determination. "I promise."

I wanted to believe him. I thought back to what Lorelei had said to me the night before "Maybe you should take a break….you know, live your life the way you want to."

I pushed the thought out of my head. I couldn't even think about it. The thought of leaving Logan scared the crap out of me. It sacred me more than I wanted to admit. Being with Logan was all I've known for five years.

So I gave in.

I leaned toward Logan and brushed my lips on his. He pressed hard on my lips and started to part his own. I pulled away slightly.

"I don't want to fight anymore."

"You think I do?" He asked. I had no time to reply back. Logan suddenly crushed his lips to mine. I let my body take over and parted my lips. His tongue hungrily found mine and they swirled together as I moaned softly. Abruptly, he broke the kiss.

"We're going out to dinner tonight."

We walked into the dimly lit restaurant and the hostess took Logan's name. She grabbed two menus from behind the podium she was standing at and led us to the left side of the restaurant to our table. Logan pulled out my chair, which I thought was rather odd since he usually didn't do that, and I sat down. After Logan sat in his chair the waiter came to our table. I didn't feel like drinking, so I ordered a diet coke. Logan ordered a mug of Corona.

I knew what I wanted to say to him, but I didn't know how to begin. Whenever I brought it up it turned into an argument, but I was trying to stay away from anything that would start one.

The waiter came back with our drinks and took our orders. Logan ordered a steak with mushrooms and I ordered fettuccini alfredo. We sat in silence for a few moments and then I blurted it out.

"So, I was thinking maybe we can plan our wedding for this summer or fall."

I waited for the usual response. We had this conversation before, but time after time again, Logan gave me reasons not to get married yet. Some were valid reasons, but it had been three years since he proposed to me in New York City. Sometimes I wondered why he even proposed to me all those years ago.

"Ness, you know things have been crazy lately. I need to put in more hours to get this manager's position."

I played with my two-karat marquise cut engagement ring that was on my left hand. My voice had a hint of hurt to it that I tried to hide. "I know. I just want to be married to you. We don't have to have a big wedding."

"It has nothing to do with a big wedding. There's just no time."

"No time for what?" I asked with a confused expression after taking a sip of my diet coke.

"There is no time to plan. I work long hours, you know this."

At this point I was positive that we'd never set a date, so I took one last try. "All you'd have to do is get fitted for a tux and be at the altar."

"Okay."

I looked up at him, half shocked and half elated and smiled.

* * *

**A/N: Please review and tell me what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3 I Ain't Missing You

**CHAPTER NOTES: This chapter took MUCH longer than I anticipated. I wanted to post it weeks ago but things got in the way and it was the toughest chapter to write so far, but I am very excited to finally post it.**

**DISCLAIMER: I am not SM and I don't own any of her characters or any song lyrics in the story.**

**And now we add Jacob Black back into Nessie's life...****

* * *

**

**CHAPTER 3  
****I Ain't Missing You**

Everytime I think of you  
I always catch my breath  
I'm still standing here  
And you're miles away  
And I wonder why you left

And there's a storm that's raging  
Through my frozen heart tonight

I hear your name in certain circles  
And it always makes me smile  
I spend my time thinkin' about you  
And its almost driving me wild

And there's a heart that's breaking  
Down this long distance line tonight

And I ain't missin' you at all  
Since you've been gone... away  
I ain't missin' you  
No matter what I might say

4 Weeks Later... 

**RENESMEE POV**

The past month flew by. When Lorelei, who accepted the duties of my maid of honor, and I weren't at work we were busily planning my wedding. Logan and I set the date for September 5th, so there was a good seven months to plan everything perfectly. My husband to be still worked long hours at the car dealership, hoping to get the promotion he had been wanting for months. So Lorelei very willingly agreed to help me plan my dream wedding. Our free time was usually spent searching online for favors, looking through hairstyling magazines, and trying on bridal party and wedding gowns at every boutique we could find.

All the wedding planning had somewhat helped to keep Jacob off my mind. Sometimes, though, I found myself thinking about what it would be like to see him again for the first time in twelve years. I had occasional flashbacks of our first kiss in the woods behind my house and how if felt when he brushed his fingers on my face to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

Since I had been reliving all of my memories of Jacob in my head I went into my childhood bedroom at my father's house and took out the charm bracelet that Jacob had given me for my fourteenth birthday from my old wooden jewelry box. I kept it in a small black velvet drawstring bag, and put it inside my jewelry box on top of my dresser at my apartment.

The Ingram Hill/Dark Moon concert crept up faster than I thought it would. Lorelei and I made plans to stay at a hotel after the concert since the venue was an hour and a half away. We didn't want to drive home in the early hours of the morning and we planned on drinking at the concert. I was excited that I would be seeing Ingram Hill again, but I was feeling somewhat apprehensive about seeing Jacob. The plan was to avoid Jacob and prevent him from seeing me by keeping my distance from him. I figured he probably wouldn't even recognize me after all the years. Twelve years is a long time.

**oooooOOOOooooo**

We were standing in our usual spot in the back of the Webster Theater. I was watching the roadies set up the equipment on the stage. For some reason it always fascinated me how the musical equipment and instruments worked. I'd always wanted to know what it would be like being on tour and living the "rockstar life." Lost in thought while watching one of the roadies plugging in the cords to the amps, I felt a hand slap down on my left shoulder and at the same time a voice yelled over the loud chatting of the crowd.

"Hey, sexy bitches!"

I nearly jumped out of my skin and shrieked as I turned my head to see our friend, Josh standing between myself and Lorelei. I'd always been one to startle easily, and it amused all my family and friends. Lorelei laughed and shook her head in humor.

"Sorry, Ness." Josh said half smiling, half apologetically.

I bumped him with my hip. "Are you staying after the show to go backstage?" I needed all the support that I could get.

"Nah, I need to be at work early tomorrow."

"_I can do this, I can do this…"_ I mentally reminded myself.

The lights went down and the crowd screamed in excitement. A few moments later a male in his mid twenties with dark hair and copper skin walked out onto the lit up stage and sat in the stool behind the drums. As he was starting a rhythmic beat, a second male walked across the stage and picked up the bass guitar from the stand. He looked more in his late twenties and was light skinned, tall and burly with very short dark brown hair.

When the bassist began to play along with the drummers rhythm, a third figure came into view. I gasped when I realized who it was as he made his way to the right of the stage. Jacob had always been tall and muscular, but the only word I could think of to describe his body was massive. He was still as breathtakingly gorgeous as the last time I saw him twelve years ago. Jacob's short, but slightly messy hair was dark, almost black. As he walked under the lights towards his guitar, I could see his very well toned muscles under the white t-shirt he was wearing. When he lifted his arms to put the guitar strap over his head, I caught a quick glimpse of the waistband of his boxers that was showing under his dark blue jeans.

As soon as he played the first chords against the drums and the bass guitar, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I began to panic. _I can't do this._

My eyes could only focus on Jacob no matter how hard I tried to divert my attention to something else. Suddenly the room began to spin in circles. My knees gave out and I felt myself start to fall. Someone caught me from behind before I made it to the ground.

"Nessie, are you okay?" Josh asked with concern as he steadied me to my feet.

"I…I don't know…" My voice was weak and shaky and my breathing was becoming rapid.

Lorelei linked her right arm with my left, probably to make sure I didn't fall again. "It will be okay." She reassured me. Lorelei always knew how I felt. She also knew that I had a anxiety disorder that gave me frequent panic attacks, which started when my mother became sick. Through all the years she had become familiar with the warning signs of an attack.

Josh handed me my bottle of water and I took a long sip. It eased my anxiety just enough so I could focus on the music. I was there to help my father, and having a panic attack in the middle of a concert would have definitely not been any help. I always kept my Valium in my pocketbook. My doctor instructed me to take a morning dose every day and if needed, I could take a half of a dose if I was feeling any panic attack symptoms. I wanted to refrain from taking any at the concert unless it was absolutely necessary. My breathing was steadying and the room was no longer spinning. _"I can do this."_

During their whole set, I couldn't take my eyes off Jacob. He was amazing on the guitar, just as he had been all those years ago. It was definitely easy to get lost in the band's music. The drums, the bass and the lead guitar all complimented each other very well. They were more alternative rock. To me, their music was a mix of Nickelback, Daughtry and Hanson, if that was even possible, with a touch of Green Day. Dark Moon definately had my vote.

After the last song of Dark Moon's set, I stood there frozen while everyone else cheered, clapped and screamed. I couldn't move. Lorelei and Josh both looked at me at the same time and tried to snap me out of my trance by shaking my shoulders and yelling my name over the loud cheering. Finally, after the noise of the crowd died down and all the lights came back on I slowly became alert again. _What the hell was wrong with me?_

It took a few minutes to convince Lorelei and Josh that I was okay. While we waited for Ingram Hill to come on stage, we discussed Dark Moon's set. I avoided any talk of Jacob and was thankful that my friends knew not to mention him. Lorelei agreed with me that the band was impressive and mind-blowing. She added with giddiness that the drummer was extremely pleasant to look at. Josh agreed. We all broke out in laughter. Josh had always been open about being gay ever since I'd known him. He moved to Connecticut from Michigan in the middle of High School and shortly after, Lorelei, Josh and I were known as the three musketeers.

The lights started to dim for the headlining band, Ingram Hill. By that point, my anxiety had subsided and I temporarily forgot about Jacob. All three of us cheered and screamed as the members of the band walked on the stage and took their places with their instruments. The music, as always, took over my body and I felt the adrenaline pumping through my veins as the first chords were played.

We decided to wait for the majority of the huge crowd to exit the venue before we started to search for the entrance to backstage. Josh left right after the last song of the encore to ensure that he'd beat the traffic in the parking lot. I had hoped that he'd come backstage with us, having my friends support put me more at ease. I could feel my anxiety beginning to take over again, and I knew right then that I needed a Valium. I reached into my pocketbook and fished around until I found the cylinder bottle. It took a few moments to open the childproof top with my shaking hands, but I managed. Using my thumbnail, I broke the circular pill in half along the crease in the center. I took a sip of my water and pushed the pill between my lips before swallowing. I'd heard that only ten percent of the population puts the pill in their mouth after sipping water. It was just one of the bizarre habits that I had.

After fifteen minutes of waiting the crowd slowly dwindled out. We walked up to the right side of the stage where a short and stocky security guard was watching the roadies began to tear down the set. Lorelei asked him how to get backstage and we showed him the backstage passes that were clipped to the loops of our jeans. The security guard led us through a door to the right of the stage into a well lit hallway. He instructed us to take a left and go straight through the next door. As we walked up to the closed door I could read the "Backstage" sign. I froze.

Lorelei was a few steps in front of me when she realized that I had stopped moving. She turned around and gave me a sympathetic look before stepping towards me and linked my arm with hers. "Breathe, Ness. You don't even have to talk to him. Hell, don't even look at him. I will watch him to observe his fan interactions."

I nodded in understanding and inhaled deeply through my nose and slowly exhaled out of my mouth. The tension in my body decreased slightly. Lorelei knew me like the back of her hand. She always came to my rescue when I needed it. I proceeded to the backstage door with my arm linked with Lorelei's and pushed my hand on the door to open it. "Here we go."

The small room was packed. It was two thirds filled with females and one third males. My eyes scanned around the overly crowded room and the first person I recognized was, of course, Jacob Black. My eyes were glued to him as he signed autographs and took pictures with girls in tight skirts and shirts that were barely considered clothing. Lorelei tugged me along behind her as she wove around the crowd to the other side of the room. I'm pretty sure she noticed me staring at Jacob, so she found the corner where Ingram Hill was signing autographs and took me as far away from him as she could.

Phil, the guitarist spotted us and waved after signing an autograph for an overly enthused female. We made our way over to him through the mob of fans and he put an arm on each of our shoulders.

"Hello, ladies. It's been awhile!"

"About four months." I replied with my best straight face, remembering the memorable night. "Chattanooga, Tennessee."

Phil laughed. "Yes, I remember the toothless prostitute."

Lorelei and I burst out with laughter. We received many agitated looks from desperate looking fans. Matt, the drummer of the band, heard Phil's comment and joined in the laughter. The spurt of amusement made Justin, the lead singer and guitarist, momentarily turn away from the fan he was talking with. He smiled and nodded his head upwards to silently acknowledge us before turning back to the now irritated girl he had been speaking with.

Lorelei and I took our routine pictures with Phil and Matt. While we were all catching up, Justin walked over and joined our pow-wow. The room was slowly becoming less congested, and I didn't want any chance of Jacob seeing me. As far as I was concerned we were done with our mission and would tell my father that Dark Moon was worth signing onto his label. I glanced at Lorelei to catch her eye and I shifted my eyes to the exit on the other side of the room, which I was fairly certain would take us directly outside. She nodded slightly, understanding my silent statement.

"We are going outside for a cigarette, guys. I'm glad that you _finally_ came back here." I teased.

"Are you coming back?" Justin asked, looking hopeful.

I don't think we'll be back in here.."

Phil cut me off. "Come on the bus. We always have a good time on the bus." He tried to hold back a chuckle.

I told the guys that we would meet them outside when they were finished backstage. We waved to them and headed for the door. I looked around and almost lost my balance when I spotted Jacob against the wall talking to a few fans. He was halfway between where Lorelei and I were standing and the exit to outside. Lorelei must have seen him too, or she noticed my hesitation.

"If we get close enough to the wall," she pointed to the wall opposite of the one Jacob was leaning against, "I don't think he'll see you."

Nodding in agreement, I took a deep breath in and I began to walk again. I was staying as close behind Lorelei as I could. Even though there were less people in the room, it still wasn't easy to maneuver between the many groups that were formed. Somehow, a tall lanky man slid his way between Lorelei and myself and I panicked for a moment. If it wasn't for her straight blonde hair against her black shirt, I may not have found her. She was a few yards ahead of me, not realizing that I had been lagging behind from the asshole who cut through us. I sped up my pace, hoping that nobody else would cut through my path. Lorelei noticed I wasn't directly behind her when she was abruptly stopped by a group of teenagers running to the other side of the room. She looked around frantically until she spotted me. I caught up to her and we both sighed in relief. I just wanted to get the hell out of the damn building.

We were less than twenty feet from the door when I heard my name being yelled over the loud commotion in the room.

"Nessie! NESSIE!"

I knew that voice. It wasn't exactly the same as I remembered, but I knew it was him. Jacob. I wanted to run to the door, it was only a few strides away, but I knew I was shit out of luck. All I could do was turn around and face him. By that point, Jacob was standing directly in front of me. I didn't want to look at him, and I especially didn't want to look in those eyes, the eyes that I remembered so well, too well.

"Hello, Renesmee." His voice was deep and husky.

I had to do it, so I looked up at him. Damn, he was tall! When my eyes met his, I momentarily became weak. Those dark brown eyes made me melt even after fourteen years. I came back to reality and blinked to clear my mind. I couldn't think like that! I had Logan. I loved Logan.

"Hi, Jacob." I replied, trying to sound calm.

"It's been awhile." he said and took a step closer after getting bumped into by the group of girls behind him.

"Yes, it has." I agreed. I turned to Lorelei and realized they hadn't been introduced. "This is Lorelei. Lorelei, this is my childhood friend, Jacob."

They nodded at each other and said hello. I looked at the door, praying to any God that would listen to get me out of there.

I knew neither of us wanted to bring up the topic that was making the whole situation uncomfortable. When Jacob's parents announced that they were moving from their house down the street from mine all the way across the country to Washington we both promised to stay in contact. He reassured me that he loved me and nothing would come between us, not even distance. After Jacob moved we stayed in contact through the phone and e-mail for only five short months. The last time I heard from him was a few days after my mother's death. I think he may have felt a little guilty, especially since I was right in front of him. He should have felt guilty, he broke promises and lied to me. Jacob had broken my heart and had no idea how much he had hurt me all those years ago.

"So how have you been?" Jacob asked me. I was relieved that he kept the conversation light.

"I've been good. I'm usually busy working at the hair salon or going to concerts. "What about you?"

"Hairdressing? That's pretty cool. I always knew you'd do something artistic and creative." He smiled that crooked smile that I always loved for just half a moment. "I've just been making music and have been doing some touring."

"And I always knew that you would do something amazing with your musical talent." Silently, I hoped that he didn't take that as flirting. That was the last thing I wanted him to think.

Just then a tall girl with light copper skin and dark hair came up behind Jacob and tightly wrapped her arms around him as close as she could. She didn't acknowledge Lorelei or myself at all.

"The guys are breaking down the set. They need your help."

Jacob didn't look at her. I couldn't quite put my finger on the expression on his face. He looked somewhat embarrassed, but I couldn't figure out the reason. "Okay. I will be right there."

Before walking away the girl moved in front of Jacob and kissed him, tongue and all. Not knowing why, I felt some jealousy flowing through me. Realizing that I had no reason to be jealous, I began to feel guilty because I had a fiancée at home that I loved.

I glanced at the door again and looked back up at him, avoiding his eyes, I couldn't bring myself to look into them again. "We have to go….it was good to see you, Jacob."

Jacob gave me a look that I couldn't understand. "You too, Renesmee. Nice meeting you." He nodded his head and quickly shifted his eyes to Lorelei and back to me.

I waved to Jacob and turned around. This time I walked ahead of Lorelei. If I hadn't I may have possibly went walking right back to Jacob Black. The cool fresh air hit me by surprise as I pushed the door opened and stepped out of the venue.

"_I don't miss him,"_ I silently told myself, but I wasn't entirely sure if I was telling myself the truth.****

JACOB POV

Holy shit. Renesme Cullen, my first love. She was once _My_ Nessie. But that was many years ago. She looked the same as she did twelve years ago, just as stunningly beautiful, if not more. She was a little taller than I'd recalled, but not by much, and of course I noticed that she was curvier in all the right places. Hey, I'm a guy. I couldn't help it, especially when it came to Renesme Cullen.

The conversation replayed over in my head. Damn Leah! Why did she have to interrupt? I silently cursed the girl who constantly flaunted herself all over me. I didn't mind the occasional sex, but that's all it was, there were no feelings involved on my end, there hadn't been for awhile. Leah, on the other hand, still wanted something serious.

My eyes were glued to Nessie as I watched her walk away. I desperately wanted to run after her, but my legs were like cement on the floor. At that moment, Seth, my best friend and the drummer of my band, came behind me and grabbed my shoulder.

"We are tearing down the stage. Ready, man?"

I looked back, searching for Nessie, but she was gone.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

The stage was torn down, as we called it, pretty quickly. I worked at super-speed as I packed away cords and amps. Including the roadies, there were six of us, so we were done packing everything up in a little over a half hour. Seth was just finishing up breaking apart the drum kit and Emmett, the bassist in our band, closed his guitar case and picked it up. I grabbed my guitar and slung it behind me. The roadies were just about finished, so Seth, Emmett and I walked backstage and out the door.

The cold night air felt nice on my overheated body. Emmett and I placed our guitars in the storage area under our bus and Seth loaded his drum kit in with the excessive amount of instruments, amps and cords. I walked into the bus and made my way through the narrow walkway to my bunk. I pulled open the drawer underneath my bed and yanked out a clean gray t-shirt. I pulled off the sweaty white one that I was wearing and pulled the clean shirt over my head.

I couldn't stop thinking about Nessie. The last thing I expected was to see her there. I should have known. She always had a passion for music, which I loved about her, and we were in Connecticut. She did come across my mind when I read the tour schedule and saw that we would be playing in Connecticut. To be honest, I frequently thought about Nessie. I would often wonder how she was, where she was, and if she was happy. Memories of her and I would also play through my mind quite often. Nessie had not only been my first kiss and first sexual experiences, but she was my first love. Time didn't change that. Even through all the years she still had a piece of my heart, and now that I had seen her again my heart ached for the missing piece no matter how many times I told myself that I didn't miss her.

**RENESMEE POV**

I slowly exhaled the smoke that I held in my lungs, relieving the tiniest bit of anxiety. Seeing and talking to Jacob was not in my plans for the night. Lorelei and I were almost at the exit when I heard his voice calling my name. I should have just walked on, pretending that I didn't hear him, but I couldn't ignore him. The whole conversation was awkward, and watching that chick stick her tongue down Jacob's throat made it especially uncomfortable. Lorelei figured I had felt envious of the girl because he was the first guy I'd been in love with. Even so, I felt guilty for feeling it. Jacob was my past, I was engaged and he was in a relationship. There was nothing to be jealous about. I am not one to normally get jealous in the first place. It was good that he had someone. I had someone too, and I needed to get Jacob off my mind.

Twenty minutes later Phil found us around the corner standing against the side of the building. I was hoping to avoid any other run ins with Jacob, and I didn't really feel like hanging on the bus. I told Phil that I was tired and we were going to head to the hotel. He didn't like that idea too much and said he'd carry me kicking and screaming over his shoulder onto the bus if he had to. I had no other choice. I was defeated.

Phil led us around the corner to his band's tour bus. When I was about to climb the first step onto the tour bus he pointed to a second one behind theirs and explained that it was Dark Moon's bus. Travel arrangements for Dark Moon were the last thing on my mind, but I was relieved they had their own bus and that I wouldn't be seeing Jacob again.

I walked behind Lorelei as we stepped into the bus. We shuffled our way through the narrow walkway to the sitting area in the back. Justin and Matt were engrossed in some BMX game they were playing on Xbox 360. I sat down on the cushioned bench seat next to Lorelei and Phil handed us each an ice cold bottle of Bud Light.

I cracked the top open using my sleeve so I wouldn't hurt my hand. "Thanks, Phil." I desperately needed alcohol. The first sip I took was like fire going down my throat, but it felt wonderful.

Justin looked away from the video game and over his shoulder when he heard my voice. "Hey ladies! How's it goin'?" His voice had a southern twang.

"Not bad." Lorelei answered for the both of us. She knew my answer wouldn't have been that pleasant.

"You put on a great show. I loved the setlist. It was good mix of newer and older songs."

"Thanks, Nessie! We aim to please." Matt chimed in and gave me a goofy smile.

We all continued to small talk while the guys took turns playing Xbox 360. Lorelei joined in the video game after being volunteered to play a round. They insisted that I played, but I was absolutely horrible at video games and I didn't feel like embarrassing myself, so I repeatedly declined.

As I was finishing the last sip of my beer, I heard voices and laughter coming towards the back of the bus. I looked up and nearly choked as I swallowed. Stepping through the open doorway into the back room was Jacob Black, staring right at me.

"Ladies, these chuckleheads are our opening act, Dark Moon." Phil gestured toward Jacob and his bandmates. "The massive bodybuilder is Jacob, Emmett is the lone white guy, and the little shit all the way in the back is Seth."

I gave Jacob a half smile and nod and waved to his bandmates.

"Hello again, Nessie." Jacob spoke in a monotone voice and nodded back to me. I wanted to sink in the bench seat and disappear.

"You know each other?" Phil asked with confusion after looking at me and then to Jacob.

Jacob spoke first. "Nessie and I grew up together in the same town. Our parents were good friends."

"Small world" Justin chimed in.

Lorelei and I introduced ourselves to Emmett and Seth. They seemed to be friendly and easy-going. Emmett passed bottles of beer around to everyone. I gladly accepted and cracked it open. In mid-sip I caught Jacob staring at me and he turned away as if he hadn't been looking in my direction at all.

**JACOB POV**

I didn't expect that one at all! I walked to the back of Ingram Hill's bus and who is sitting right there in front of me? Of course it was Nessie.

Phil caught on and realized that we knew each other, so I told him the short story, that Nessie and I grew up in the same town together and our parents were good friends. It was the truth, but not necessarily the whole truth.

After Nessie and her friend were introduced to my bandmates bottles of beer were passed around and everyone started talking amongst themselves. It was impossible to keep my eyes off Nessie. She was a beautiful Goddess. Whenever she glanced in my direction I tried to look away and acted interested in something else. Seth brought me back to reality.

"We need to see your Dad since we're around. Why didn't he come out tonight?"

"He was planning on coming for the show but something came up and he couldn't get here in time."

Nessie looked at me, surprised. "Billy moved back here?"

I told her that my father had moved back to my old house three months ago when I started traveling with my band. I explained that the renters moved out and he needed a change of scenery.

"Where is your mother?" Nessie's face was full of confusion.

"My mother passed away ten years ago." I replied.

Her eyes became saucers. "I am so sorry! I didn't know! No one…."

I interrupted her frantic apology. "It's okay. It was tough at first, but I've adjusted."

Just then a loud Seth jumped up from the chair with the video controller in his hand and Matt hung is head low in defeat and swore. Seth stood up on the chair and declared himself the BMX champion before almost falling off. Justin and Emmett were playing rock, paper, scissors to determine who played next round when Emmett's phone beeped in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the screen.

"I gotta call Rose. I'll be back, I play next round."

"He's so whipped." Phil chuckled.

"Definitely." Justin chimed in.

Lorelei jokingly acted offended. "Don't hate us women! You'd be hopeless without us."

In my peripheral vision I saw Seth grin stupidly before he spoke. "I don't hate women! I'm in need of a good one." He was such a dimwit, but I loved my best friend like he was a brother.

"We could all use a good woman." Matt stood up from the chair in front of the video game and turned to the refrigerator. He grabbed the handle on the door and turned around. "Too bad Nessie's off the market. She's one hot chick!"

I wasn't sure that I had heard him correctly, but the expression of shock and embarrassment on Nessie's face told me that I had. My body became tense at the thought of her with someone else.

**RENESMEE POV**

"Too bad Nessie's off the market. She's one hot chick!"

_He did not just say that!_ My face immediately turned red from anxiety as I looked at Jacob's blank expression. I seriously wanted to deck Matt in the face with my fist. He had no clue about the specifics of my past with Jacob, so I couldn't hold it against him.

"I am not hot, I'm just plain." I hoped I could avoid the first part of Matt's comment.

Justin looked up from the video game. "Not true."

"You're definitely not plain." Phil grinned at me.

"I think you're pretty, but Lorelei is more my type." Seth winked at Lorelei. Who winks these days?

Jacob didn't say a word.

It was getting late, so Lorelei and I announced that we were going to head to the hotel. We said goodbye to everyone after Lorelei and Seth exchanged phone numbers. I took one last glace at Jacob and half-smiled before turning and walking off the tour bus.

As Lorelei and I were walking across the parking lot to my car I heard fast paced footsteps in the distance. I looked behind me and stopped short when I realized it was Jacob coming toward us. His muscular body under the moonlight made me weak at the knees, but I quickly glanced at my engagement ring to remind myself that I loved Logan.

"Wait, Ness!" I heard him call out.

I told Lorelei that I'd meet her at the car. She looked skeptical, but I assured her I would be fine.

Jacob caught his breath when he stopped in front of me. "Do you want to, um….meet us at the bar tomorrow night? You know, to catch up. We don't have a show for a few days, so we're all going to be hanging around here until we head to Boston." He rambled without taking a single breath.

"I don't think I can. Lorelei and I have a hotel room for one night. We're heading back home tomorrow."

"Oh." Jacob shrugged with disappointment. "Well it was really nice to see you, Renesme.

"You too, Jacob. Take care." He smiled slightly and waved. I gave a small wave back before I forced myself to turn away from him. For some reason, I had a preternatural feeling that Jacob was watching me walk away.

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**Thanks for reading! Please review!**

**I am hoping to update in the next few weeks...until then add me on facebook! http: / /www. facebook .com/breaktown. fanfiction (delete the spaces)**


	4. Chapter 4 Sorry

**A/N: So it's been awhile since I updated. I wanted to put this up much sooner, but the holidays got in the way. I hope you all enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I am not SM, no infringement intended. I just like to play with her characters. The lyrics are not mine either, I just love music.**

* * *

**CHAPTER 4**  
**Sorry**

Will you listen to my story?  
It'll just be a minute  
How can I explain?

What ever happened here  
Never meant to hurt you  
How could I cause you so much pain?

When I say I'm sorry  
Will you believe me?  
Listen to my story  
Say you wont leave me  
When I say I'm sorry  
Can you forgive me?  
When I say I'll always be there  
Will you believe me?

**RENESMEE POV**

I woke up in the semi-darkness of the hotel room. The light of the barely risen morning sun was peeking through the dark green curtains that were hung on the windows. I rolled over on my side to face the clock radio on the nightstand and groaned. 5:47. During the night I kept waking up every hour or so. I hadn't slept well and I'm known to be extremely irritable when I don't get enough sleep.

Realizing that I hadn't heard from Logan since before the concert, I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed my phone. There were no missed calls or texts so I placed it back on the nightstand. It was too early to call him.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to get any more sleep so I threw the dark green covers off me and quietly climbed out of the full sized bed. Lorelei was still sound asleep on the matching bed next to mine.

_Well at least one of us got a good night's sleep. _I thought to myself.

I filled the coffee pot with water and turned it on. If I don't have my morning coffee you do not want to be near me, especially if I didn't sleep well the previous night. As I waited for the coffee to brew I relieved my bladder and quickly brushed through my hair and pulled it back in a loose bun. The scent of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the air. I poured myself a cup and added two packets of sugar and some creamer. Before grabbing my cigarettes off the dresser I pulled out an extra blanket from the closet. I opened the sliding glass door and stepped out onto the small patio.

The sun was rising and I could see the yellows and oranges in the distance over the mist covered lake. I sat in the cushioned chair closest to the door and lit up my cigarette. Watching the sky getting lighter, I began to go over the events of the previous night as I sipped my coffee and took long drags from my cigarette.

In the middle of my thoughts I heard the door open and Lorelei sat down in the chair next to mine.

"Couldn't sleep?" She asked without looking at me.

I took a drag of my second cigarette of the morning and chuckled as I slowly exhaled the smoke. "You know me too well."

She reached over to the small table between the chairs and took a cigarette from my pack. After lighting it she looked over to me. "Jacob seemed like a nice guy, he didn't act like a tool. And he's definitely good looking. No wonder you fell for him all those years ago."

After we left the venue I didn't speak anything of Jacob. Lorelei knew me well enough not to bring him up in conversation. I loved her for that. I needed to process the night's events before I talked about it. Seeing that I was awake and outside at six in the morning, she knew that I needed to talk.

"I need to stop thinking about him. I have Logan." I raised my voice. "Why the fuck can't I stop thinking about him?"

"Because you have a history."

"I feel so guilty." I threw my head back in frustration, almost making contact with the side of the building. "I love Logan, but I can't get Jacob off my mind."

"I know it won't help, but you shouldn't feel guilty. Jacob was a significant part of your past." Lorelei was right, but it didn't make me feel any better. I still felt like I was betraying Logan.

I picked up my coffee cup from the table and held it with both hands. "I wish I hadn't seen him. I knew it was a bad idea in the first place."

"Ness, even if we didn't go backstage you would have run into him at some point during the night. Did you see his face when he walked on the bus? He had no clue that you'd be there, he didn't go on the bus because you were there. He was just as shocked as you were."

I took another drag from my cigarette and shrugged.

"What did he say in the parking lot?"

After ashing my cigarette in the small foil ashtray, I replied, "He asked me to go to the bar tonight."

"And…..?" She asked a little too anxiously.

"And I told him that we were only staying at the hotel for one night and that we were heading home in the morning."

"Nessie, it would be fun! You should go! We can drive back tonight, or even in the morning before work.

I looked at my overly enthused best friend and shook my head. "It's not a good idea, Lorelei."

"We are still going to the mall, though." She stated matter-of-factly.

...ooOOOoo...

Lorelei's phone beeped in her pocket as we walked out of Abercrombie & Fitch. She fished it out of her Kate Spade wristlet and read the message. The jumps and squeals coming from her made me question her sanity.

Without saying a word she handed me her phone with a huge grin on her face so I could read the message.

"_hey it's Seth. we are going to R-Bar tonight. you should come."_

"Nice, Rory! I knew he'd want to go out with you. You'll have a great time." It was about time that my best friend met a decent guy.

Lorelei looked at me and smiled devilishly. "Oh girl, you are definitely coming!"

"He asked you, not us. Anyways, I can't. Jacob will probably be there and I don't want to see him. Plus, I told him I couldn't go to the bar tonight. "

"I want you to come! We will have a good time. The bar is fifteen minutes from your apartment, he knows you'll be back home." She made a pouty face and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Fine. Under one condition, I will not talk to Jacob."

I pulled out my phone from my pocket and sent Logan a text. I hoped he wouldn't get upset.

"_Hey sweetie, Lorelei & I are going to the bar tonight. I miss you."_

My phone beeped a half hour later when I was in the Express dressing room.

"_Ok. I'll b playing poker with the guys. See u later hun._

**LORELEI POV**

I hated to see my best friend like that. I knew she wouldn't admit it, but she definitely still had feelings for this Jacob Black guy. He seemed nice, he didn't act like a tool and he was polite, but most of all he was smoking hot.

I didn't particularly care for her boyfriend, or I should say fiancée, but I knew that she cared for and loved him, so I kept most of my opinions to myself. Every week it was another fight or argument. She would call me or come over crying and I would have to assure her that it would all work out, even though I didn't know if it would. I am not one to tell others what to do with their lives, so I would never flat out tell Nessie to break up with Logan.

Personally, I was through with him treating her like crap. I secretly hoped that since Jacob had come back in the picture that she would realize she could do much better than Logan.

My phone beeped as we were walking out of Abercrombie & Fitch. I reached into my favorite Kate Spade wristlet to pull it out and looked at the screen. I jumped up and down and squealed like a teenager. If I wasn't at the mall I would have probably screamed.

"_hey it's Seth. we are going to R-Bar tonight. you should come."_

Seth and I hadn't been able to talk too much on the tour bus the night before, but I was immediately attracted to his fit body, adorable baby face and his carefree, but mature personality. Before leaving the bus he asked me for my number and he put his number in my phone. I didn't expect him to call or text so soon, but I was thrilled to hear from him, which I hoped that meant he was interested in me as well.

I showed Nessie the text when I saw the confusion on her face. She was happy for me, but refused to come along.

After a few attempts I eventually convinced Nessie to come with me. I wanted her to be there with me, it always helped to know she was there if I needed advice or if things ever went horribly wrong. She didn't want to run into Jacob, but I hoped for the opposite. I put on my best pouty face and she finally agreed to come, but made it clear that she would not talk to Jacob.

_We'll see about that one._ I smiled to myself. Mission Nessie and Jacob had officially begun.

We decided to go to Express to buy new outfits for the night out. Nessie bought a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a burgundy three quarter sleeve low cut scoop neck top. I picked out black leggings and a red V-neck sweater dress. We paid for our outfits and left the mall so we could begin to get ready for the night.

**RENESMEE POV**

I walked into the bar through the frosted double doors behind Lorelei a little after 9 o'clock. To my left was the huge light wood dance floor, with only a few people dancing on it, and on the right was a circular bar. The music was pulsating through my body as I scanned my eyes around the bar. I didn't see anyone I recognized, so I pointed to the red staircase that led to the second floor of the bar and said "Upstairs." I couldn't hear myself speak, but Lorelei nodded so I knew she understood what I had said and we began to make our way up the wide staircase to the upstairs bar.

The moment I stepped up off the last stair to the upper bar my eyes immediately found Jacob as if I had some internal radar. He was sitting on a stool at the bar to the left with his back to me. A split second later he turned around as if he heard something and his eyes instantly locked onto mine. The smile that quickly formed on his full lips made me swoon.

_Snap out of it!_

I shook my head to clear it and politely smiled back at Jacob. Lorelei seemed to have spotted Seth while I was in mid-swoon and waved to him and we began to walk toward the bar. She sat down on the stool next to Seth and I slid onto the empty seat next to her. I looked over and smiled at Jacob again and waved to Seth and Emmett, who were sitting on either side of him, before ordering a Madras. When the bartender, who introduced himself as Mike, placed my drink in front of me, he smiled and told me to just call for him when I needed another. I thanked him and took a sip of the refreshing orange vodka, orange juice and cranberry cocktail.

Twenty minutes later and two drinks in, Lorelei and Seth asked me to shoot some pool with them, but I declined. My pool playing skills were terrible, I was always the one that everyone had to duck for when making a shot. I guess you could say that I have awful aim. I also wanted Lorelei and Seth to have some time alone.

I was in need of nicotine to relieve my stress, so I picked up my drink and slid off the stool and walked outside on the patio. I reached into my brown and robin's egg blue hipster pocketbook and pulled out a cigarette and my purple lighter. I lit the cigarette and inhaled the nicotine that I desperately needed. I slowly exhaled and shoved my lighter back in my pocketbook. As I took a sip of my Madras from the small red mixing straw, Jacob walked out onto the patio. He had a beer in one hand and was lighting a cigarette with the other when he looked up and spotted me leaning on the dark wood banister of the patio. He smirked and walked over to me.

"Did you know cigarettes are bad for your health?" He asked, trying to keep a straight face.

I couldn't hold back my smile. "Then we are both doomed, I guess."

He grinned that to die for grin, but quickly became serious. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I furrowed my brow and asked.

"I'm sorry that I stopped calling and writing."

"Jake, it's fine." I lied, trying not to show how much he had hurt me all those years ago. "It's in the past."

"I should have been there for you."

"Don't worry about it. It's not a b…"

He shook his head and interrupted before I could finish. "No, Nessie, you need to hear this."

"It doesn't matter anymore. It is done and over with." I didn't want to have this conversation. I wasn't ready to face the reason why he stopped talking to me twelve years ago.

"It does matter!" Jacob exclaimed. "I didn't give you any explanation, and you deserve one."

I shook my head to stop him, but he went on.

"I knew that I couldn't give you what you needed. You deserved to be with someone who you could see and talk to every day, not someone who lived across the country. I wanted to be with you so bad, but I knew you could do so much better."

I could feel the tears building up in my eyes. If I spoke I knew that I would cry. The last thing I wanted was for Jacob to see me crying over what we used to have.

He looked deep into my eyes and whispered, "I loved you too much to tell you to move on."

That did it. Streams of tears began to fall down my face. When Jacob realized that I was crying he quickly closed the space between us and held me close with my head against his chest and his strong arms around me. The physical contact heightened my emotions and I took in a shaky breath and let out a quiet whimper as I let the breath out. Being in Jacob's arms felt….right. It was the only word I could think of to describe the feeling of having his arms around me once again. I felt an electrical buzz run through my body, but I chalked it up to overly active emotions.

"I am so sorry, Nessie." Jacob squeezed me slightly.

I pulled away, coming back to reality. I smiled a fake smile and wiped away the tears on my face. "We were fourteen, Jacob. We've grown up and moved on. Like I said, it's in the past."

I picked up my drink with my left hand and saw his eyes shift to my engagement ring. When he looked up at me, for just a moment he looked disappointed. I hoped that he wouldn't ask about it. I hadn't intentionally kept it from him, I just didn't know how to bring it up in conversation.

"When is the wedding?" Of course, I had no such luck.

"September."

He nodded. "How long have you been together?"

"Five years." I was hoping my short answers would be enough.

"What's his name?" Unfortunately they weren't.

"Logan." He nodded again, as if he was taking it all in. I decided it was my turn for questions now.

"How long have you been with your girlfriend?" I asked, not knowing if I wanted to know the answer.

"Leah?" He asked as he shook his head and laughed under his breath. "I wouldn't go as far as saying she is my girlfriend. We used to be serious a few years ago, but we are just friends now. We keep each other company."

I nodded my head in understanding.

"She is Seth's older sister, so she's around pretty often. I guess she likes the rockstar's way of life."

I smiled. "I've always wanted to go on tour."

Just then Lorelei came outside on the patio yelling at me to get my sexy ass back at the bar for a shot. I think my cheeks turned as red as a tomato.

**JACOB POV**

The bartender handed me my second Budweiser of the night when I felt it. I turned in the swivel stool and instantly made eye contact with Nessie, like we were magnets that found one another. She looked like heaven. She smiled back at me and I reluctantly turned back to my beer so I wouldn't stare.

I looked over and saw that Nessie sat down two seats away from me. Seth and her friend, Lorelei were in the stools between us. All I could see of her was her right hand on the bar in front of her. She looked over and smiled at me and waved to Seth and Emmett. I saw the bartender walk up to her, but it was so loud that I couldn't hear what she ordered. Emmett snapped me out of my thoughts when he yelled at me, trying to get my attention.

"Jacob! Jake! ….BLACK!" I whipped my head in the direction of Emmett's voice.

"Dude, what is wrong with you?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

I hadn't told Emmett or Seth about my past with Nessie. It was just something that I didn't feel like talking about. They would joke about it and I'd probably get defensive. We all mess around with each other about girlfriends and females that we are attracted to, but Nessie was never someone who I could joke about. She had been much more than that to me, and still was.

I looked over to Nessie, but she was gone. I stood up from the stool so quickly that it made my head spin. I looked around the bar and still saw no sign of her or Lorelei. I began to panic.

She couldn't have left. I didn't want her to leave. I wanted to talk to her. She was right there, a mere few feet away from me. Why didn't I take my pathetic ass over to talk to her while she was there?

I walked to the opposite side of the bar to the gaming area and my panic eased a bit. Seth and Lorelei were standing at a pool table to the left of the room laughing at an awful shot that Seth made. That meant that Nessie was most likely still at the bar. I didn't think she would have left without her friend. I turned around and started back toward the bar. Her seat was still empty.

I looked to the right of the bar and saw the opening to the outside deck. I walked through the door and lit up a cigarette with my free hand. As I was shoving my lighter into my back pocket I looked up and saw Nessie leaning on the banister across the deck.

I was extremely relieved to see that she hadn't left. I tried my hardest to keep from smiling like an idiot and walked towards her.

I really should have thought before I spoke. I think I said something about cigarettes being bad for your health.

She smiled though, which I always loved to see. "Then we are both doomed, I guess."

I knew I had to say what was on my mind or I would have regretted it later. "I'm sorry."

She gave me a confused look and asked what I was sorry for.

"I'm sorry that I stopped calling and writing."

"Jake, it's fine. It's in the past."

I told her that I should have been there for her, but she insisted that it wasn't a big deal. Her mother died of cancer, it was a big deal, and I wasn't there for her. Even though I hadn't physically been there I should have been emotionally supportive, but I was a coward. I interrupted her second attempt to brush the conversation away. She had to know.

"No, Nessie, you need to hear this."

"It doesn't matter anymore. It is done and over with." I was beginning to believe that she hadn't held it against me, but for my own sake I needed her to understand.

"It does matter!" I exclaimed. "I didn't give you any explanation, and you deserve one."

She shook her head to stop me, but I took a deep breath and continued.

"I knew that I couldn't give you what you needed. You deserved to be with someone who you could see and talk to every day, not someone who lived across the country. I wanted to be with you so bad, but I knew you could do so much better."

I looked deep into her caramel brown eyes and lowered my voice to a whisper. "I loved you too much to tell you to move on."

I waited for a response to my confession and realized that Nessie was crying. Streams of tears were running down her cheeks. The last thing that I wanted to do was to make her cry. I immediately pulled her close to me and wrapped my arms around her. She leaned into me and rested her head on my chest. I heard a faint humming and it felt like an electrical current was running through my arms and chest, where I was in contact with Nessie. Holding her again made me feel calm and complete, a feeling I hadn't had in quite a long while.

"I am so sorry, Nessie." I held onto her tighter and took in a deep breath to take in her scent. Her hair smelled of delicious coconut and was mixed with vanilla and another scent I couldn't quite make out. Nessie was pure heaven.

She pulled back and smiled weakly as she wiped away the tears on her face. For a moment I thought I was caught smelling her, but she didn't seem to notice.

"We were fourteen, Jacob. We've grown up and moved on. Like I said, it's in the past."

A sparkle on Nessie's hand caught my eye as she picked up her drink. It took a fraction of a second to realize what it was. My heart sank. I knew that she had a boyfriend, but I wasn't expecting her to be engaged. Any chance that I had to be with Nessie had just been thrown out the window. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answers, but I had to know more.

She told me that the wedding would be in September, about six months away, and she had been with this Logan character for five years. That was all I could take for the time being.

"How long have you been with your girlfriend?" She asked.

"Leah?" I asked as I laughed and shook my head. "I wouldn't go as far as saying she is my girlfriend. We used to be serious a few years ago, but we are just friends now. We keep each other company."

She nodded and I continued. "She is Seth's older sister, so she's around pretty often. I guess she likes the rockstar's way of life."

She smiled and it made my heart swell. "I've always wanted to go on tour."

Before I could say anything else a loud voice yelled out from the patio door. "Renesmee, get your sexy ass back at the bar for a shot!" I watched Nessie's cheeks become bright tomato red. She lowered her head and shook it in embarrassment.

She looked up at me, her cheeks still flushed. "Want to join us?"

"I could use a shot." I smiled and gestured her to go ahead in front of me.

As she was walking in front of me, I mentally agreed with Lorelei. Nessie did have an extraordinarily sexy ass.

**RENESMEE POV**

The night went by way too quickly. Before I knew it, it was last call at the bar and we all ordered our final round of drinks. We all talked and joked the whole night while sipping on cocktails and downing shots. Lorelei and I fit in the group like we had known them forever. Of course, I knew Jacob, but it was just so easy to get along with the three of them. Seth seemed like a genuine good guy. He was polite and respectful, but he also had a sense of humor. He reminded me a lot of Jacob. Emmett was the group comedian. He was quirky and knew how to make everyone laugh.

I noticed Lorelei and Seth getting pretty flirtatious throughout the night. She seemed happy and I was happy for her. As much as I tried to keep away from Jacob, I couldn't. I knew that I insisted that I wouldn't speak to him, but it was impossible not to, especially after our conversation on the patio. Whenever he talked to me I got mesmerized in his dark brown eyes and whenever he smiled I couldn't help but smile back. He hadn't changed much from our early teenage years, he was still Jacob.

After we all finished our drinks we walked out of the bar together. Jacob and Seth walked us to my car while Emmett searched for his phone in his pocket to call Rosalie.

When we were close enough to my car I pressed the car starter button on my key pad. Lorelei and Seth walked to the passenger door and Jacob walked with me to the drivers side.

"We are going to be around until we play in Boston on Wednesday night."

I looked down at my keys and pushed the unlock button. "I'm working all week."

"Okay. Well it was good to see you again." Jacob took a few steps back and looked down to the ground and kicked a few pebbles away with his navy blue Converses.

I nodded, trying to hide my disappointment. Now that I had Jacob back in my life, I didn't want to lose him again, even if we were just friends. I silently hoped that I would see him again soon. "See you around."

"Ness?" His voice sounded a little uncertain.

I looked up at him, making me weak in the knees. _Get a grip, Nessie!_

"Can I have your number? I mean, I'd like to know how you're doing once in awhile."

I smiled, put out my hand and asked for his phone. I added my number to his contacts.

After handing his phone back, we said goodbye and I opened my car door. I slid into the seat and waved as Jacob closed the door.

* * *

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